Forgiveness

Okay, so this is the first post on this blog.  There are so many thoughts banging around in my brain that it was suggested to me to get them out, write them down, review at a later time and then conquer.  I like the whole conquer concept but the road to get there seems quite ominous.  I do, however, love a challenge... so here I go.

 My first order of business is this whole forgiveness thing.  I have been actively seeking ways to forgive most of my life.  I get hurt easily and when I feel hurt, I immediately feel forgiveness is in order.  Not so!  Hurt, I have found, does not necessarily mean harmed.  Hurt, many times signals our inner weakness and self doubt.  This is food for another day.  But hurt from being harmed does require forgiveness.  I actually love the idea of forgiveness and for years it has made me feel very good, maybe even pious.  What I never really realized until now, is that maybe I never really forgave before.  If I said I forgave, and it didn't eat at me anymore, than I did my job. Or so I thought.  Really though, it just meant it really didn't bother me very much anyway and I would have gotten over it whether I did my whole forgiveness dance or not.  Then there are the ones that keep coming up on me like a bad rash.  Why do I still feel sick about it if I forgave?  Duh...I hadn't REALLY forgiven?  Matthew tells us in Matthew 6:9-15:
"This, then, is how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."   Okay, whoa...that is scary!  If I don't forgive, He won't forgive me?  So this struck a cord in me.  Now I needed to understand what forgiveness really is; what it feels like and looks like.  I felt a sudden urgency to find the meaning and get to it fast.  I call this conviction and boy was I convicted.

Joyce Meyers words helped me understand the feeling I was looking for: "Unforgiveness, resentment, and bitterness are spiritual maladies that keep many people from living a Spirit-filled life. Keeping score of all the hurts we have suffered does more spiritual damage to us than those who have offended us. In fact, we can suffer serious physical illnesses as a result of unforgiveness. Is it difficult to forgive? When we choose to forgive others, we release ourselves from sin's power. The act of forgiving them allows God to work His will and our healing in the situation. Forgiveness is the power that will change a  life of defeat into one of victory."  I think I already felt that whole thing about not forgiving hurts us more than them.  You know the little quote that says, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."  I need to look for more wisdom and who better than John Piper. I love the way he refused to domesticate the word to fit.  He tells us what the Gospel says and it is in there that we need to take heed; in the words written so long ago that still lead our path today.  John Piper talks about this on his blog, Desiring God where he writes about forgiveness this way.
Today the question is: what is forgiveness? What does it look like? What isn't it? We have heard from Jesus that it is essential. It is not icing on the cake of Christianity. If we don't experience it and offer it to others, we will perish in our sin. So it is tremendously important to know what this is that is so essential to our eternal life.
Let me begin with a definition of forgiveness that we owe to each other. It comes from Thomas Watson about 300 years ago. He is commenting on the Lord's Prayer, "Forgive us our debts as we for give our debtors," and asks,

Question: When do we forgive others?
Answer: When we strive against all thoughts of revenge; when we will not do our enemies mischief, but wish well to them, grieve at their calamities, pray for them, seek reconciliation with them, and show ourselves ready on all occasions to relieve them. (Thomas Watson, Body of Divinity, p. 581)

I think this is a very biblical definition of forgiveness. Each of its parts comes from a passage of Scripture.

1. Resist thoughts of revenge: Romans 12:19, "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord."
2. Don't seek to do them mischief: 1 Thessalonians 5:15, "See that no one repays another with evil for evil.
3. Wish well to them: Luke 6:28, "Bless those who curse you."
4. Grieve at their calamities: Proverbs 24:17, "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles."
5. Pray for them: Matthew 5:44, "But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you."
6. Seek reconciliation with them: Romans 12:18, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."
7. Be always willing to come to their relief: Exodus 23:4, "If you meet your enemy's ox or his donkey wandering away, you shall surely return it to him."

Here is forgiveness: when you feel that someone is your enemy or when you simply feel that you or someone you care about has been wronged, forgiveness means,

1. resisting revenge,
2. not returning evil for evil,
3. wishing them well,
4. grieving at their calamities,
5. praying for their welfare,
6. seeking reconciliation so far as it depends on you,
7. and coming to their aid in distress.

All these point to a forgiving heart. And the heart is all important Jesus said in Matthew 18:35—"unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

Oh, the wisdom of this godly man.  How helpful his wisdom is to me at times like this.  But I still had more questions.  One of the most unsettling questions was why did I still feel anger if I had, in fact, truly forgiven the wrong?   John Piper has an answer for this also.
"You are not expected to feel good about what happened. Anger against sin and its horrible consequences is fitting up to a point. But you don't need to hold on to that in a vindictive way that desires harm for the one who wronged you. You can hand it over to Him who judges justly (1 Peter 2:23) again and again, and pray for their transformation. Forgiveness is not feeling good about horrible things." Forgiveness is not the absence of anger at sin. It is not feeling good about what was bad. I love that this is clarified for me.  So just as my other attempts at following God's laws are imperfect because I am imperfect; so my forgiveness is imperfect as well.  One day I will know how to offer complete forgiveness, but for now, I will continue, in spite of my sinful self, to forgive others no matter what the offense.  I will do this because it is required of me if I desire God's forgiveness.  I do desire and long for God's forgiveness for all my sins.

Oh Father God, I long to be more like You.  I want to learn to forgive in a wholly loving and selfless way.  I want to live in the light of Your truth and not be swayed by the world's desires to domesticate Your word to allow less than all that You require of me.  I want to be accountable to those in my life and especially to You. Keep my mind and heart fixed on Your will and give me the ability to love not only the loveable but the unloveable as well.  Thank You, Jesus, for taking my sins and nailing them to the cross with You and thinking of me as You hung there; loving me all the while.  Thanking You for saving me by your grace alone.  Continue to sanctify me to meet Your measure.  Willingly, I am Yours to direct as You see fit for me to honor Your Kingdom.
Amen